PDA

View Full Version : Sex before marriage: yes, no, meh



Strong
30-09-2009, 06:20 AM
Do you believe in sex before marriage?

(Heck do you even believe in marriage these days? Or is it just a convenient social construct that confers legitimacy by the state and thus affords you legal, moral and financial benefits that would otherwise be denied?)

Cryren8972
30-09-2009, 06:35 AM
Well...it's interesting that you brought this up actually. I have two kids...I've had sex before marriage, I've NEVER been the prude sort. Lately though, I've realized that sex really complicates things and makes you question the validity of the relationship, so I've made the decision to not have sex before marriage again. My boyfriend and I have been dating a couple of months now...and we both hold the same view. Man, is it HARD though to rewire your mind and practice discipline in this area. Sex is awesome! =)

Ferre
30-09-2009, 06:39 AM
Sex is awesome! =)

I second that :rockon::peace:

Strong
30-09-2009, 06:45 AM
Yep! My thoughts too, sex is awesome! But it can also be dangerous, physically and emotionally. I guess you shouldn't go on a date without a packet of condoms and a shrink! :sqwink:

julien_simon
30-09-2009, 06:50 AM
I don't care about sex before marriage, but I am, in other hand, for sex only with your partner.

My wife and I both failed that but I wish we didn't.

Strong
30-09-2009, 06:53 AM
I don't care about sex before marriage, but I am, in other hand, for sex only with your partner.

My wife and I both failed that but I wish we didn't.

You mean being monogamous, that is only having one partner at any one time? :sqconfused:

Cryren8972
30-09-2009, 07:12 AM
It really IS emotionally damaging...not to mention, when you have sex with someone, it's been scientifically proven that it develops feelings of love for that person. There is brain activity in the "love" portion of your brain for those you've had sex with. Keep that in mind before thinking of a one night stand...you may develop feelings for someone that you would NEVER attach yourself to otherwise. =)

julien_simon
30-09-2009, 12:36 PM
You mean being monogamous, that is only having one partner at any one time? :sqconfused:

no I mean I wish my wife was my first.
Monogamy is a given.

Cryren8972
30-09-2009, 12:56 PM
no I mean I wish my wife was my first.
Monogamy is a given.

Awwww...that would be ideal wouldn't it?

Strong
30-09-2009, 01:09 PM
We are only human, we make mistakes, take wrong turns, our lives aren't filled with perfection. Being stuck with the wrong first would become torture would it not. I don't mean to imply we should plan for failure, but we should at least accept the possibility.

That explains why I believe in sex before marriage. To find out you have an incompatible partner afterwards would be dreadful.

Cryren8972
30-09-2009, 01:21 PM
We are only human, we make mistakes, take wrong turns, our lives aren't filled with perfection. Being stuck with the wrong first would become torture would it not. I don't mean to imply we should plan for failure, but we should at least accept the possibility.

That explains why I believe in sex before marriage. To find out you have an incompatible partner afterwards would be dreadful.

But it also says loud and clear that you're willing to dump or be dumped based on sexual performance.

Zap
30-09-2009, 04:46 PM
But it also says loud and clear that you're willing to dump or be dumped based on sexual performance.

Sexual compatability is part of a marriage.
If the sex doesn't work, chances are pretty slim that the marriage will.

Cryren8972
30-09-2009, 04:48 PM
Sexual compatability is part of a marriage.
If the sex doesn't work, chances are pretty slim that the marriage will.

Sexual compatibility can be learned though...as long as you're both willing to communicate.

Muddy
30-09-2009, 04:57 PM
Sexual compatibility can be learned though...as long as you're both willing to communicate.

This could quickly become fairly graphic, but wouldn't this mean that certain things that would make people sexually compatible might be performed out of obligation as opposed to desire? If one is doing something less than thrilling for them, strictly to please one's partner, how can that be a mutually enjoyable experience?

iowadawg
30-09-2009, 05:00 PM
You learn to love doing certain things to your partner.

Again, nothing graphic but you can figure it out.

Old saying, wife wears panties so husband learns to obey her.

Wife wants something, husband best deliver.

Atom
30-09-2009, 05:09 PM
Yes, I believe in sex before marriage.
I also believe in no sex before marriage.
I couldn't vote because I do care a little bit.

Zap
30-09-2009, 05:12 PM
This could quickly become fairly graphic, but wouldn't this mean that certain things that would make people sexually compatible might be performed out of obligation as opposed to desire? If one is doing something less than thrilling for them, strictly to please one's partner, how can that be a mutually enjoyable experience?

Exactly.

Consider this...

Married couple.
Bob likes to have sex twice a day. Mary likes to have it once a month. (Poor Bob!)
Even a compromise leaves them both lacking.

Again... Poor Bob!

Ferre
30-09-2009, 05:14 PM
How many people buy a car before taking it for a test drive? :sqwink:

Zap
30-09-2009, 05:14 PM
Yes, I believe in sex before marriage.
I also believe in no sex before marriage.
I couldn't vote because I do care a little bit.

You know what you are, Mister?
You're a poll filibusterer.

LOL!

Say that 3 times fast!

Atom
30-09-2009, 05:31 PM
You know what you are, Mister?
You're a poll filibusterer.

LOL!

Say that 3 times fast!I must admit that personally speaking, I've had great sexual relations with myself for the last several decades but do feel a little award having never proposed.

iowadawg
30-09-2009, 06:30 PM
You know sex is terrible for you when your hand goes to sleep.

ewomack
30-09-2009, 10:20 PM
Sex during divorce cannot be beat...

iowadawg
30-09-2009, 10:27 PM
I can vouch for that!

Of course, not with the one you are divorcing.

But with someone younger with a mouth that won't quit.

iowadawg
30-09-2009, 10:34 PM
If no women available, suck on these nipples:
http://www.therudechocolatecompany.com/stock/large/Chocolate%20Nipples.jpg

ewomack
30-09-2009, 11:01 PM
I don't see what's rude about them...

iowadawg
30-09-2009, 11:08 PM
They slap your tongue silly.

Strong
01-10-2009, 05:12 AM
We are only human, we make mistakes, take wrong turns, our lives aren't filled with perfection. Being stuck with the wrong first would become torture would it not. I don't mean to imply we should plan for failure, but we should at least accept the possibility.

That explains why I believe in sex before marriage. To find out you have an incompatible partner afterwards would be dreadful.


But it also says loud and clear that you're willing to dump or be dumped based on sexual performance.

Not sexual performance but sexual preference. For me it is as much about getting to know someone you intend to live the rest of your life with. You make that commitment when you know that you can live the rest of your life with them and not before.

What if you really desperately need him to suck your toes but he will not put out. You are left unsatisfied. If you can live with that, then it is not a deal breaker, but if you can't ...

It is part of finding the right partner, the same as, "Do you want to have children?". For some that compatibility issue might be the deal breaker, for others not.

Before making that life time commitment, both people must be sure the other is the right person for them, or at least as much as they can be sure. To not include sexual preference in that equation is to deny your sexuality and your existence is lessened as a result. We are sexual beings.

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 07:05 AM
This is why you talk about it first...
ask if she will suck your toes....or give head, or anything else you like. Does she like to be spanked? The only time I could see any of this being an issue is if someone isn't sexually aware enough to know what they like. You'd be able to pick up on that right away though just by asking questions.
Premarital sex is a personal choice. I've chosen not to based on the bad experiences I've had in the past.

Zap
01-10-2009, 07:14 AM
This is why you talk about it first...
ask if she will suck your toes....or give head, or anything else you like. Does she like to be spanked? The only time I could see any of this being an issue is if someone isn't sexually aware enough to know what they like. You'd be able to pick up on that right away though just by asking questions.
Premarital sex is a personal choice. I've chosen not to based on the bad experiences I've had in the past.

What about "chemistry"? Specifically, sexual chemistry.
We can talk about sucking toes all night but until toes get sucked, we won't know if it works for us.

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 07:28 AM
What about "chemistry"? Specifically, sexual chemistry.
We can talk about sucking toes all night but until toes get sucked, we won't know if it works for us.

I'm only speaking from my personal experience here. In my situation, I've pretty much done it all...been there, done that...etc. So in my current relationship, I can say whether or not I like having my toes sucked. However...if I didn't know that, then he could test the theory...toe sucking isn't sex.
As for chemistry...I knew we had chemistry the first time we kissed.

julien_simon
01-10-2009, 07:40 AM
I believe I'm half way between cryren and you other pervs ;)

I am for premarital sex, because I believe once you know you will spend the rest of your life with someone, nobody needs to wait. But as I said in a previous post, I believe in having your future husband/wife as the first sexual experience.

then again, there is the risk that we were young and finally didn't get married. But I'm talking about pointless one night stand etc...peer pressured sex.

Atom
01-10-2009, 07:55 AM
Exactly.

Consider this...

Married couple.
Bob likes to have sex twice a day. Mary likes to have it once a month. (Poor Bob!)
Even a compromise leaves them both lacking.

Again... Poor Bob!Sounds like Bob could use some anti-Enzyte. lol

You know those Enzyte commercials with smiling Bob? lol
Seems they run that one down here about every half hour.

Zap
01-10-2009, 07:57 AM
I'm only speaking from my personal experience here. In my situation, I've pretty much done it all...been there, done that...etc. So in my current relationship, I can say whether or not I like having my toes sucked. However...if I didn't know that, then he could test the theory...toe sucking isn't sex.
As for chemistry...I knew we had chemistry the first time we kissed.

I totally get that and each person is different.
But, for me, speaking from experience, personal chemistry and sexual chemistry are different.
I can't get answers for one from the other.

And, I've bolded your statement above.
Kissing is foreplay as part of sex.
To extend that concept, could you marry someone you'd never kissed?

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 08:05 AM
I totally get that and each person is different.
But, for me, speaking from experience, personal chemistry and sexual chemistry are different.
I can't get answers for one from the other.

And, I've bolded your statement above.
Kissing is foreplay as part of sex.
To extend that concept, could you marry someone you'd never kissed?

Mmmmm...I love kissing, not sure I could make the commitment not to kiss, I'd fail without question. As a hypothetical question...he'd have to be one great dude, but yeah, I could. I guess I'm basing this on the fact that I've never really had terrible sex. Some better than others, but never horrid. I also know that time with a partner allows for improvement on both sides. You learn to please each other, and it only gets better. So knowing this makes the decision a lot easier for me. I have no doubts that our sex life would be fantastic once married...none. Of course I'm basing that on our make out sessions :sqwink: I have my weaknesses...:sqlaugh:

Strong
01-10-2009, 08:47 AM
This is why you talk about it first...
ask if she will suck your toes....or give head, or anything else you like. Does she like to be spanked? The only time I could see any of this being an issue is if someone isn't sexually aware enough to know what they like. You'd be able to pick up on that right away though just by asking questions.
Premarital sex is a personal choice. I've chosen not to based on the bad experiences I've had in the past.

There is the rub! If you don't believe in sex before marriage how do you become sexually aware enough to know what you like?

And as you say, if you are not sexually aware, and indeed have tried everything under the sun, how do you know what you like or do not like and thus what to ask about?

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 09:10 AM
There is the rub! If you don't believe in sex before marriage how do you become sexually aware enough to know what you like?

And as you say, if you are not sexually aware, and indeed have tried everything under the sun, how do you know what you like or do not like and thus what to ask about?

This is why I'm going from my own personal experience only. I have no clue how a virgin would fair in this instance...

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 09:16 AM
Of course it stands to reason, if you don't know what you're missing...then it's no big deal right? I imagine those that haven't tried everything would try what they wanted later with their spouse..

krisma5
01-10-2009, 09:38 AM
Nowadays most people don't think very highly of marriage anymore, the only thing that counts is if the sex is good. Everything these days is based on sex.
I myself think marriage is a fundament of happy family life. Of course you could just live with your partner in a marriage similar enviorment, but really, there is always the risk that your partner will just decied to up and leave cause he/she doesn't like the situation anymore. The risk is also there for the married couples, but I think that being married makes things more permanent. You could decide to just go and move in with someone and live with them, but you don't just go get married.
But then on the other hand...people don't care anymore.

I guess I'm old fashioned.

I was engaged to my husband two years before we had sex.

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 09:48 AM
That's the reason for my decision actually...I put too much emphasis on sex. It kept me from being objective toward the person I was seeing. If the sex was great, I was more inclined to hang out with someone a little less savory than I would have normally. Taking sex out of the equation has made dating easier in a lot of ways for me. It's as if my loser magnet was removed and my mind was clear to make better choices. I'm sure this isn't the case for everybody, but it was for me.

krisma5
01-10-2009, 09:51 AM
Yes, taking out that factor makes a BIG difference.

Muddy
01-10-2009, 09:57 AM
That's the reason for my decision actually...I put too much emphasis on sex. It kept me from being objective toward the person I was seeing. If the sex was great, I was more inclined to hang out with someone a little less savory than I would have normally. Taking sex out of the equation has made dating easier in a lot of ways for me. It's as if my loser magnet was removed and my mind was clear to make better choices. I'm sure this isn't the case for everybody, but it was for me.

Poor losers. That's all we've got to offer is great sex.

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 09:58 AM
Poor losers. That's all we've got to offer is great sex.

Lol! And that's what gets our feminine heads all twisted...the great sex

Zap
01-10-2009, 10:09 AM
It's as if my loser magnet was removed and my mind was clear to make better choices.

Did it look anything like this?

http://ux.brookdalecc.edu/fac/psychology/ederobertis/Loser%20Magnet%20Handbook.jpg

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 10:51 AM
Did it look anything like this?

http://ux.brookdalecc.edu/fac/psychology/ederobertis/Loser%20Magnet%20Handbook.jpg

Funny that should look just like a penis holding a magnet...
this person must have met me! :sqbiggrin:
If I imagined what it would actually look like...this would certainly come close!

Muddy
01-10-2009, 10:58 AM
That looks like a penis to you? OK...you're gonna fit right in here!

Muddy
01-10-2009, 10:59 AM
^ Actually, you already do!

iowadawg
01-10-2009, 11:04 AM
Besides sex, check out the potential woman for her skills as a cook.

Right now, enjoying some home made chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven.
Made by my lovely wife.

Zap
01-10-2009, 11:06 AM
Funny that should look just like a penis holding a magnet...
this person must have met me! :sqbiggrin:

Met a few dicks, have ya? :sqerr: :sqeek: :sqlaugh:

And ditto what the Mudman said. You fit in around here quite nicely.
Glad you found us.

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 11:11 AM
Awwww...you guys are making me misty eyed...
or is it the lack of nicotine? Orrrr...the lack of penis?
I'm so confused right now.

Zap
01-10-2009, 11:14 AM
If I didn't have a penis, I'd cry, so that must be it.

iowadawg
01-10-2009, 11:15 AM
She males never have to worry about the lack of a penis.

Nicotine?
Might have one in a little bit.

Strong
01-10-2009, 12:53 PM
Of course it stands to reason, if you don't know what you're missing...then it's no big deal right?...

Perhaps. But human nature being what it is many will think that what they haven't got is desirable. At least they might want to try.

And so we are back at the start of the circle.


... I imagine those that haven't tried everything would try what they wanted later with their spouse..

Unless their spouse didn't want to try. After all toe sucking isn't for everyone right? :sqwink:

iowadawg
01-10-2009, 12:56 PM
Wake me up when we get to the whips and chains...

Toe sucking is for amateurs.

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 01:38 PM
Perhaps. But human nature being what it is many will think that what they haven't got is desirable. At least they might want to try.

And so we are back at the start of the circle.



Unless their spouse didn't want to try. After all toe sucking isn't for everyone right? :sqwink:

You can potentially run into the same issue with a spouse you have had sex with. If you've only done it missionary, doggie, and 69 in your dating years, but later after you marry want to try anal, and she says,"NO", do you find another partner?

Zap
01-10-2009, 02:10 PM
You can potentially run into the same issue with a spouse you have had sex with. If you've only done it missionary, doggie, and 69 in your dating years, but later after you marry want to try anal, and she says,"NO", do you find another partner?

Easy solution for that. Start with anal. :sqrofl:

Cryren8972
01-10-2009, 02:54 PM
Easy solution for that. Start with anal. :sqrofl:

Or toe sucking while whipping her with chains...
that should pretty much prove she's not a prude :sqlaugh:

Strong
01-10-2009, 05:18 PM
You can potentially run into the same issue with a spouse you have had sex with. If you've only done it missionary, doggie, and 69 in your dating years, but later after you marry want to try anal, and she says,"NO", do you find another partner?

Which person do you think is likely to be able to predict their partner's reaction to a request for toe sucking action; the person who has not had sex yet with their partner or the person who has?

Cryren8972
02-10-2009, 06:57 AM
Which person do you think is likely to be able to predict their partner's reaction to a request for toe sucking action; the person who has not had sex yet with their partner or the person who has?

They could both know. All they have to do is suck her toes.
Or, they could have a conversation with her. I know that's foreign to some gents, but it's effective.
But the best way...suck her toes.
And by predictions...I'm going to go out on a limb here and claim that most women are unpredictable no matter how many times you sleep with her.

krisma5
02-10-2009, 07:02 AM
I never liked toe sucking.

Cryren8972
02-10-2009, 07:03 AM
From personal experience, and only going from that and that alone...I'm far from trying to convince anyone that they should do what I'm doing...
BUT, from PERSONAL experience, I've learned a lot about what my boyfriend likes in bed without actually having sex with him.

Cryren8972
02-10-2009, 07:04 AM
I never liked toe sucking.

So note: All toe sucking addicts, she does NOT like toe sucking.
Communication works. :sqbiggrin:

krisma5
02-10-2009, 07:05 AM
Me too.

Muddy
02-10-2009, 08:12 AM
From personal experience, and only going from that and that alone...I'm far from trying to convince anyone that they should do what I'm doing...
BUT, from PERSONAL experience, I've learned a lot about what my boyfriend likes in bed without actually having sex with him.

I know a thing or two about your boyfriend too! For one thing, his balls are bluer than the mountains in North Carolina!

Cryren8972
02-10-2009, 08:15 AM
I know a thing or two about your boyfriend too! For one thing, his balls are bluer than the mountains in North Carolina!

ha! You would be dead on there! Poor guy....:sqembarrassed: