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View Full Version : Everyone is mad at everyone… Opinions Please



pctec
19-10-2009, 09:06 AM
What a pickle this is… As some of you know my Son’s car had an unfortunate appointment with a pole. The girl he let drive his car that day was a beginner with a learners permit. To complicate matters, she was my brother’s girlfriend. (My Son and Brother are both 20 and his girlfriend is 19).

The problem is that my Son only had public liability and public damage and no collision insurance. Therefore, he gets nothing to fix his car. The day he got the car I dished out a total of $2000 for him to have transportation. So in effect, he owes me $2000 and now has no transportation.

Matters became quite complicated when my brother and my stepfather got their big noses stuck in the middle of it and “tried” to find an acceptable solution. Their brilliant solution was to take an old beat up Honda Civic with a bad head gasket and rotten body and “fix it up” for my Son. I of course though this was insane and most likely would have cost far more in cash and possible lives as I do not believe it will ever be road worthy again.

My Son was understandable upset and came to me and his mother literally in tears as to what to do. We got him calm and we came up with a solution that would surely please everyone. I am in total agreement that he should have NEVER let her drive his car to begin with but the fact remains that she could have easily said no. I got the idea that a 50/50 split in damages was fair. My Son would only end up with $1000 back and still have a $2000 bill to pay and now had no car, but my wife and I felt it to be fair.

We all headed up to my parents house where my brother and his gf lives and we presented the deal to her. She was all for it and my Mother who was also there decided it was a fair deal. No one wins but in cases like this, no one ever does.

A few hours later my stepfather calls me telling me what “we” were going to do to resolve this problem. He wanted to get the car brought here and we would fix it. I haven’t seen the car but my understanding is that it needs a front bumper, hood, rad, rad fans, and possibly a transmission because the tow truck driver couldn’t get it out of park and had to drag it onto the truck.

This was totally unacceptable and I was not willing to dump that amount of cash into a totaled car. I flat out said NO! Then he disputed the $1000 that my Son and my brothers gf had agreed to. I told him it was none of his concern and that a resolution was already made. Again he TOLD me what we were going to do at which point it got very loud and then he hung up on me.

At this point everyone is basically mad at everyone and this is gearing up to be one of those long standing family disputes.

Can I get some opinions on this matter?

Cryren8972
19-10-2009, 09:24 AM
I believe you should stick with the plan that you all agreed on. The stepfather will eventually get over it, but if he continues to come at you in anger, then suggest that he pay for his idea...that you aren't willing to bail your son out of a situation and potentially lose a lesson that could have been learned.

Zap
19-10-2009, 09:28 AM
It sounds to me like it's not "everyone is mad at everyone". It sounds more like your stepfather is mad at everyone.
If everyone else is OK with the deal, then who is he to nullify it?

In reality, it comes down to the driver of the car and the owner of it. Everyone else is superfluous.

Muddy
19-10-2009, 09:46 AM
First of all, what part of the country do you live in?

pctec
19-10-2009, 10:49 AM
Eastern Canada, New Brunswick... why do you ask?

Atom
19-10-2009, 10:52 AM
Jeezus, no wonder you drink. lol

Muddy
19-10-2009, 10:54 AM
Eastern Canada, New Brunswick... why do you ask?

Because that would determine whether the guns are kept loaded at all times or not.

krisma5
19-10-2009, 12:25 PM
I think also you should stick to the agreement with your son and the driver of the car. And if your stepfather doesn't let loose on the matter, then tell him that he can pay for it all and the 2000$ to you on top of it. It's not YOUR fault that this all happened, so why should you have to put more money in it? Just because it's your son doesn't matter either, he's old enough to make his own decisions, and as it appears, made a wrong one.

Strong
19-10-2009, 01:22 PM
There seems to be lots of feelings involved in this problem, which complicates things, and family feelings at that!

What may help, is to find the answer to these questions:
Has the car been written off? In which case, fixing it up would be pointless and dangerous, as you say.

Assuming it has not been written off, what would it cost to make it road worthy again? This necessitates a qualified mechanic examining the vehicle and giving you an itemized quote. Said quote should determine what happens.

If it is above 2000 then give your step-father and brother the quote and ask them if they can do the same quality repairs for cheaper? If they can't ask them to foot the bill, if they can ask them to foot the bill and get on with it. (They may come to see the wisdom of your idea finally.)

If it is below 2000 split the bill, ask your brother's gf to pay her share and get the mechanic to fix the car.

As for the family stuff, well your step-father should never have stuck his nose into a problem that already had a solution, agreed to by all parties to the accident. But family life is like that sometimes.

Your step-father is probably looking out for your brother, who will probably have to help out his gf when it comes to paying for her half of the mistake.

Do not accept substandard repairs from said step-father and risk anyone's life in a badly repaired car. If he can't do it, don't let him.

Halo
19-10-2009, 01:52 PM
I flat out said NO!

Did things get loud because you said no in capital letter?

I would reinforce the point that an amicable decision was reached by the adults concerned and that will be the one that will be stuck to.

Also remind the step-father that it's a good deal, a lesson to be learned and things could have been a lot worse; no life was lost. A cheap patch up job on the car could be dangerous.

Failing this either:

Get the son, the gf, and the stepdad in a room, and beat them with a big stick.
Shout: Stop it, or I'll bury you in a box!

pctec
19-10-2009, 04:12 PM
Well I heard through the grapevine that my dear brother and his gf are running around saying its all my Son's fault. I somehow doubt she will pay anything now...

One thing I do believe in is Karma... it will come back around in due time...

I give up... this is total BS.

pctec
19-10-2009, 04:14 PM
Did things get loud because you said no in capital letter?

Yes I did get loud because by this time he was being loud with me and dictating what "we" were going to do. At 43 years of age, I do not take orders...

ewomack
19-10-2009, 07:30 PM
What a joyous story! Tales from New Brunswick! Drama! Wow... what a load of wet grocery baqs filled with poo... hopefully calm will soon prevail...

iowadawg
19-10-2009, 07:52 PM
Love family spats.....

That is, after all, how the Civil War started....

Zap
19-10-2009, 08:15 PM
Yes I did get loud because by this time he was being loud with me and dictating what "we" were going to do. At 43 years of age, I do not take orders...

This is what we're going to do...



OK. Scratch that.


Funny how it was your son's fault when he wasn't even behind the wheel.
Does the driver who crashed the car bear no blame in this?

pctec
19-10-2009, 09:23 PM
Does the driver who crashed the car bear no blame in this?

She did until my brother and step father convinced her otherwise :sqconfused:

Strong
20-10-2009, 05:00 AM
Let her finish learning to drive and by a car. Then get your son to drive her's into a tree. I'm sure they'll be understanding.


(Sorry! I'm not helping here am I?)

pctec
20-10-2009, 05:56 AM
Let her finish learning to drive and by a car. Then get your son to drive her's into a tree. I'm sure they'll be understanding.

I made that point to my step father regarding his truck... of course, he said he would feel the same about his! HA! Ya, sure daddy...