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  1. Replies
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    I have a legitimate birth certificate, BTW. ...

    I have a legitimate birth certificate, BTW.

    Well perhaps you won't mind doing the dishes then.

    Perhaps.
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    I've eaten dirt before. Some of it ain't too bad.

    I've eaten dirt before. Some of it ain't too bad.
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    Why you are here is pretty apparent I'd say. Sex....

    Why you are here is pretty apparent I'd say. Sex. Stupid sex.
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    I just saw a tame buffalo on Wagon Train. And I...

    I just saw a tame buffalo on Wagon Train. And I thought I had seen it all.
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    And this old age shit, what a load of crap. It...

    And this old age shit, what a load of crap. It really sucks getting old. Certainly nothing to aspire to.
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    I'm sorry I'm the way I am. I blame God. I'm...

    I'm sorry I'm the way I am. I blame God. I'm like... what the fuck were you thinking?
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    Right. I forgot about that. We could probably...

    Right. I forgot about that. We could probably give them all prefrontal lobotomies as well.
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    Autonomous vehicles, dude.

    Autonomous vehicles, dude.
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    I might need to think this one out a little...

    I might need to think this one out a little further.
  10. Replies
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    I think all humans should be required to wear...

    I think all humans should be required to wear straight jackets.

    More beer?

    Yep. Get used to it. I also think that every country should drive on the same side of the road, though I don't really...
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    I have a feeling that the human race is not all...

    I have a feeling that the human race is not all it's cracked up to be. There's surely other beings out there that are much more cracked up.
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    Can you please try to stay on topic? No....

    Can you please try to stay on topic?

    No. That's no fun.

    Ok w/e. I just wanna know one thing ... do you or do you not like prunes.

    They're ok I guess.

    How many jars can you eat in a day?
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    I reckon I won't be famous till I'm dead.

    I reckon I won't be famous till I'm dead.
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    Do you love God? I don't know. Ok hit him...

    Do you love God?

    I don't know.

    Ok hit him again, father. Better turn it down to 60v just in case.
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    I think I've been pretty fair so far. Yes...

    I think I've been pretty fair so far.

    Yes you've been doing a wonderful job. Keep up the good work.

    Honey can you write snowshoes on the list?

    Yes, dear. Is that one word or two?

    Only...
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    You might as well spend your time trying to fix...

    You might as well spend your time trying to fix that leak under the sink.

    You coming to bed, honey?

    Be right there, dear, I almost got it.
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    If you can't beat your kids, what the hell good...

    If you can't beat your kids, what the hell good is procreating?
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    Must be you got the Covid vax. Yep. I'm fully...

    Must be you got the Covid vax.

    Yep. I'm fully protected now.

    But no lollipop, right?

    Right. How'd you know?

    Lucky guess.
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    Life is serious business, mister. Tell me...

    Life is serious business, mister.

    Tell me about it. I ain't never seen such shit in my whole life.

    How old are you?

    I don't know for sure. I stopped counting around age 89.
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    Any purple shoe laces? Nope. Ok, just...

    Any purple shoe laces?

    Nope.

    Ok, just checking.
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    Are you between the ages of fifty and eighty...

    Are you between the ages of fifty and eighty five?

    Um ... no.

    Well nevermind then.
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    Look, my mother was a crossing guard at the local...

    Look, my mother was a crossing guard at the local grade school for thirteen years.

    I can't help that, now get hold or yourself man.

    You still remember the resistor color code, right?

    You bet...
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    Be right back, kids. Just going to the store for...

    Be right back, kids. Just going to the store for an onion and to pick up daddy.

    You're not attempting to make chili again are you?

    No, honey. Just experimenting with onion soup, now you keep...
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    The Bronco's got a flat. Ask uncle Charlie if...

    The Bronco's got a flat.

    Ask uncle Charlie if you can borrow his snowmobile.

    Ok. I should be there in forty five minutes or so.

    Bring hallucinogen drugs.

    Ok.
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    Anyway I ate the damned thing and am here at the...

    Anyway I ate the damned thing and am here at the emergency room. Please come and get me at your earliest convenience.
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