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  1. Replies
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    I think I got more years left in me if I can just...

    I think I got more years left in me if I can just make it through the dog attacks.
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    There's nothing like a nice fucking dog attack to...

    There's nothing like a nice fucking dog attack to brighten your day.
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    I was bit by a great dane on the forearm and hand...

    I was bit by a great dane on the forearm and hand yesterday and had to get thirteen stitches. Ain't life just fucking grand?
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    Dude I think you been watching too many TV...

    Dude I think you been watching too many TV commercials.
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    Please don't make me do stuff. No worries,...

    Please don't make me do stuff.

    No worries, dude, just start typing. You can say all kinds of stuff and not say anything if you want.

    You mean like you?

    Yes, it's really a lot of fun. And...
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    Mesothelioma? Nope. But I HAVE been noticing a...

    Mesothelioma? Nope. But I HAVE been noticing a few skin tags lately.
  7. Replies
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    I'm not a boy scouts of America sexual abuse...

    I'm not a boy scouts of America sexual abuse survivor, but I can still have fun can't I?
  8. Replies
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    What happens to crap on airplanes? I don't know,...

    What happens to crap on airplanes? I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to.
  9. Replies
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    Ok well thanks for havin' me.

    Ok well thanks for havin' me.
  10. Replies
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    It's supper! There ain't no such thing as dinner....

    It's supper! There ain't no such thing as dinner.

    Ok well thanks for coming, and try not to impregnate anyone.
  11. Replies
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    You're lucky I don't hunt you down and force feed...

    You're lucky I don't hunt you down and force feed you back strap molasses.
  12. Replies
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    I'll assume you meant dinner, sir.

    I'll assume you meant dinner, sir.
  13. Replies
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    Dude you do realize this is the internet, right?...

    Dude you do realize this is the internet, right?

    Well yeah but fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

    Dude you better eat some supper or something.
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    I just drank the three Smirnoff Screwdrivers my...

    I just drank the three Smirnoff Screwdrivers my buddy asked me if he could leave in my fridge last night. That oughtta teach him.
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    But it works better up there. Sir please don't...

    But it works better up there.

    Sir please don't make me call security.
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    Dude hamburger relish on hotdogs? Yeah, some...

    Dude hamburger relish on hotdogs?

    Yeah, some law against it?

    No sir, now please take that mask off your head and put it across your face.
  17. Replies
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    Of course. Now choose your weapon. Ok I'll...

    Of course. Now choose your weapon.

    Ok I'll take the hamburger relish.

    Wise choice, my friend. I'll take half a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk.

    I'm not sure that's fair....
  18. Replies
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    Ok are we talking au gratin here?

    Ok are we talking au gratin here?
  19. Replies
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    You ever tried to eat scalloped potatoes with...

    You ever tried to eat scalloped potatoes with your asshole? It just doesn't work.
  20. Replies
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    Well I guess you're just lucky to have gravity...

    Well I guess you're just lucky to have gravity and not be floating around in space then, otherwise you wouldn't know which end was up.
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    Listen, I ain't sure what's wrong with your...

    Listen, I ain't sure what's wrong with your types, but I don't think it should be posted on the internet.
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    Yes, and if you start hearing me refer to it as...

    Yes, and if you start hearing me refer to it as Mississippi Stump Meat, you'll know I'm drunk. But no I guess it ain't too bad. I would suggest celery sticks as dipping vehicles.
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    That reminds me.. you tried any of that...

    That reminds me.. you tried any of that Mississippi Stump Moss Dip yet? I've heard it's very environmental.
  24. Replies
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    And plenty of dead fallen trees to sit on. ...

    And plenty of dead fallen trees to sit on.

    Yes, and with minimal rot and moss.
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    Sure. And the squirrels. The squirrels were...

    Sure. And the squirrels. The squirrels were simply tremendous.
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