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  1. #11981
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    Look, you can't just keep posting on the internet drunk.

    Why not?

  2. #11982
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    Ok one question. What color are your socks? Take your time.

  3. #11983
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    Off white.

    That is the correct answer, please advance to the next square.

  4. #11984
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    I'm pregnant.

    But dude I thought you were a dude.

    I am but that's what the test says.

    Dude what the fuck are you doing taking pregnancy tests?

  5. #11985
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    Oatmeal cookies are the only form of oatmeal I care to ingest.

  6. #11986
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    Processed foods?

    Yeah. I made it to 67 didn't I?

  7. #11987
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    I haven't taken a sleep aid in fifteen years.

    Wow. You must be getting pretty tired.

  8. #11988
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    I don't like the word death.

    What do you want to call it?

    Going to the movies.

  9. #11989
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    Where's grandma?

    She's gone to the movies, honey.

  10. #11990
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    I wonder if Zap can write this forum off as a public service?
    Ed Womack
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  11. #11991
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    Only H&R Block knows for sure.

  12. #11992
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    Wrong country, dude.

    Can a moderator redact that last post please? Thanks.

  13. #11993
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    First, I'd like to thank everyone for coming. Secondly I hope you all had a wonderful time. And thirdly I'd like to thank God for making this all possible. He must have a hell of a sense of humor.

  14. #11994
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    I just can't understand what happened to malt shops.

  15. #11995
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    Dude nobody malts milk anymore.

    So should I take milk malter out of my resume?

    Probably not a bad idea, dude.

  16. #11996
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    Are there any Canadian tax professionals in the house?

    I don't think so, dude.

    Ok, just checking.

  17. #11997
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    Dude how the hell did you end up here on earth?

    I swear I don't know, dude. I reckon my ancestors were just horny.

  18. #11998
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    I often wonder if disco can be played with bagpipes.

    How often?

    I'm not sure. I think that would probably take several mathematical equations to figure out.

  19. #11999
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    Jumpin' catfish!

    Um ... dude catfish don't jump. They are bottom feeders.

    Well jumpin' frog legs then!

    That's better.

  20. #12000
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    Mama told me not to come.

    Where's my coat?

    Dude I don't know, I'm just the hat check girl.

    You got a size six and a quarter with a snake band?

    I've been through 126 of them so far and nothing with a snake band, sir. Do you wish me to continue?

    I paid twelve hundred dollars for that hat.

    Very well, sir. I think there's only about 375 left to go, please have a seat.

    Do you have any vending machines?

    No, sir. They are against our religion.

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